Incident at Lake Erie

By Javilk


We hear that a picture is worth a thousand words, and that good illustrations can portray things that are so difficult to grasp. Perhaps, but perhaps there are things that Hollywood may have difficulty with, which are better shown on the screen within, the screen of your imagination...
We are sitting here in the three hundred foot high radio stand build for us by the shores of Lake Erie, early in the morning as the blazing red ball of the sun breaks through the gap between the distant mottled orange-blue clouds and the dark blue ground...

Farmers in California have grown an immense strawberry, half the size of Rode Island! It is a huge mountain of red, folks, higher than the Matterhorn!

Not to be outdone, cooperative farmers in Wisconsin have produced an absolutely fantastic amount of whipped cream. As we sit here watching from our radio stand, we see thousands of fire trucks draining lake Erie. They have been here since 5am in the morning, and it is now approaching 10am Yes folks, we will fill Lake Erie with whipped cream and add the strawberry.

It's 10 am. A crowd has come to line the shores of Lake Erie. The crowd must be a quarter of a mile deep all around the lake now. Some people are going into the lake bed to retrieve old cars, mattress springs, and other artifacts of civilization. We see an old Model T being driven out of the lake bed right now, looking just as good as the day it went in.

The lake is almost dry. A gigantic whipped cream container is being flown over the lake by about, oh, must be at least 100 military helicopters, the navy kind, like short blue string beans with spinning disks at both ends. Ah! They are opening the valve right now.... Whhhhoooooosssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh

It is 3pm now, and after 200 deliveries, whipped cream has finally filled the former Lake Erie. Nearby is a pile of 150 whipped cream containers, each twice as long as the height of the Empire State building, and five times the volume of the VAB at the Kennedy Space Center. It is a HUGE pile folks, it must rival the height of Mount Everest!

We see some of the nation's homeless people beginning to inspect these as possible homes. And we see here a contingent? Hoard? Of Japanese... No, Chinese businessmen, here in efforts to persuade the Governor of New York to sell these as ocean going liners to replace Hong Kong with an ocean going flotilla.

Oh, oh, a minor fight has broken out between an ant sized Donald Trump and one of the homeless. It seems Donald Trump wants one of the towering cans in this incredibly gigantic... shiny... mountain of what looks like shaving cans even King Kong would have trouble climbing to the top of!

Look over there, I see the Chinese forming huge chain gangs, carrying yet another can away, like ants carrying something thousands of times larger than they are. It is just incredible what the Chinese can do when they put their minds to it!

Meanwhile, our crowd has grown to about a mile deep all around the entire lake! There must be millions of people lining this lake, folks, all standing shoulder to shoulder just to see this incredible sight! It is amazing to see little old grandmothers selling cookies and kids pulling their little red lemonaide wagons through this huge crowd in a fine display of American entrepreneurial initiative.

Now, we hear the drone of what must be 500... no, 1000, no... It must be at least 10,000 military transport helicopters.... with an absolutely smashing gigantic ruby red strawberry suspended in the sky between them! Oh... This is a truly amazing sight, folks! A network of wires gleaming in the sunlight with a strawberry half the size of Rode Island being airlifted to the lake!

My God! It is like the Dead of Night as the shadow of this incredible gigantic strawberry passes over us! What is this? Rain? Folks! It is raining little drops of... mmmmmMMM! sticky red strawberry juice upon us! Absolutely Wonderful taste! And the smell... Strawberry heaven! I can not describe the sweetness to you, ladies and gentlemen! How wonderfully strawberry-ish it smells!

Wait! Oh No! The lead helicopter has caught on fire! It is going down... the net is unraveling... I can't believe this folks, the helicopters are all crashing with the strawberry into the lake! It's a Splash! Huge waves of whipped cream are being thrown into the sky! They are falling like huge globs onto the crowd! aaAHH! This is incredible! A city block sized dash of whipped cream is headed Right For US!!! Yeeaahhh [clatter, sounds of paper shuffling, running footsteps, doors slamming, and with a creaking crash, Fwooommmphhhhhgh....




(I mean, I couldn't just leave these guys dead... By the way, I am available to write web content...)